a curse and a blessing, blessing and a curse

Said by the boyfriend tonight, after a long hard day. "You have a lethal combination. You have big balls, and a big heart."

I could be filled with doubt and modesty, but I know this is true. I know because my father has the same problem. I've seen him cut down and chewed up because his big mouth, attached (loosely) to his big heart, drew too much attention. And what it all boils down to, is that sometimes when you mean well, and you have the guts to put yourself out there, people want to hate your guts. Not because you're a terrible person, but because they see things through your eyes, and sometimes it just ain't pretty. If you have a big heart, too, be prepared to be hurt. To be sad. To feel unfulfilled. To feel mortally wounded, even though you're still alive.

I'm not on a sinking ship. However, if I were, I'd be the bearer of bad news who goes down with the crew and passengers. All of whom are pissed at me for telling them we're on the sinking ship.

Where does this leave me today? Well, I've had a good few cries. O.K., outright sobs. I don't feel sorry for me. My heart will mend. It always does.

Comes with the territory.